It Is Just One Day – 5 Tips on How to Survive

As much as I try, it’s almost impossible to simply enjoy a holiday for itself. We are bombarded around the clock with holiday movies and television commercials showing elaborate and bountiful meals around a table full of happy family and friends.  All of the homes have decorations that could rival those found in major department stores. It’s hard not to expect that picture perfect holiday.

If you’re going through a divorce and this is your first holiday without your spouse or without your children, it can be so far from the ideal that it’s unrecognizable as a holiday at all.

Yes, we all know that the holiday, whether it be Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa or New Year’s Eve, is not about the decorations or the meal or any single celebration. Yet, we all want it to be something special and memorable, if not for us than for our children.

There is no getting around the fact that your first holiday after you’re separated will be different and possibly not the holiday you want it to be, but there are ways that you can do more than just endure the day. In fact, you can actually get through it in a positive way. Here are 5 tips on how to do that:

1. Don’t Do It Alone
   Remember that family is what you make it. Family can be extended relatives you don’t often see or friends for whom you host a celebration.  If you don’t want to do the hosting, there are most likely family or friends who would welcome you into their home to share the day.
2. Change the Date
   If you don’t have your children on the day that you typically celebrate the holiday, make your own special celebration on another day. It’s not about the date, it’s about all of you sharing family time and love.
3. Focus on Other People
   Do something positive to have an impact on someone else. Volunteer at a food shelter, be an anonymous donor to a family in need, or be a dog walker or cat cuddler at a local pet shelter.
4. Start a new tradition
   If you don’t have your children for dinner, then make a very special breakfast for them. If you’re not with your children when they wake up on Christmas morning, then create that same level of excitement and surprise on another morning or at another time even if it means everyone getting in their pajamas at 8:00 at night to open presents.
5. It is OK to be alone
   If you really feel that you want or need to be alone, honor that, but in a positive way. Pamper yourself with a nice meal, a relaxing bath, or anything that will have a positive effect on you. You might sit down and write out your thoughts and feelings or make a list of goals that you want to achieve in the upcoming year.

Of course, these are minor fixes for someone who is going through normal holiday angst.  If you are suffering on a deeper level that goes beyond the typical “holiday blues,” then seek the help you need from a professional.

Is it still going to be tough going for a while? Of course it is. But remember, it’s just one day. It will pass and things will be better.

What special plans or arrangements have you made for getting around the difficulty of celebrating the holiday on your own?